Catholic Camp

I’ll never forget the Summer I went to Catholic Camp, I was young and so talented, I had found a way to get Father ( a catholic priest) to not pay for my little sister to go to Camp so I wouldn’t have my little sister behind me ugh, so I went to Catholic camp without my sister. (of course if it were today I would let her come, I love her now)

Yes that summer I Felt that God had chosen me and I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life, of course looking back now I realize that God did not choose me and I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, *sigh* Im nothing short of a total failure. Catholic camp was a lot of fun and it was the first time I ever slept in a tent, we played games got to know each other and got glow in the dark rosaries. Camp was great I learnt to properly pray with my rosary and I was singing songs and really feeling like God was the leader of my life.
By now you are wondering what am I talking about, well my dears I was getting to that. The day Before Catholic camp ended I was touring the grounds my and my new best friend who also wanted to be a nun, when we caught a boy and a girl tucked away in a corner kissing!!

I was out raged I couldn’t believe that at this holy place where we were learning about giving our minds and bodies to God there was a boy and girl here in front of us, giving there bodies to each other. So of course being the informer that I am I told every Father, and nun I could find, Yes God Dammit I told on them and I felt like a little heroine for being an informer. Later that evening we were suppose to give confession, now you would think being an informer and a person who is firm and just that I would be the first to confess, HAH!!

I spent all of confession in the bathroom hiding because I didn’t want to tell father about my addiction to Play Boy magazines, not because I liked seeing naked girls, no no not at all, But because I wanted to be in them! I wanted to be a center fold, can you believe that.
I had some how convinced myself that I during confession God was reading my mind and sending secret messages to the priest, kind of like how I told on the kissing couple.

Nobody caught me of course and till this day skipping confessions still haunt me, I dare say I have never confessed! oh dear, and the worst part is i have gotten over my dreams of being a nun but I still wanna pose for Play boy!!

xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren I wanna be the first black, B cup center fold for Playboy!

In these shoes I can save the world.

these are my magic pair, i wore them for the 1st time last night

I cant explain the feeling I get when I’m wearing new shoes, or how sexy I feel that the height of my heel disrupts my posture to an almost painful uneven arch, that always seems to do wonders for my “behind”
I love these I bought them in New York and I wore them fro the first time last night and they changed my life. I feel like everybody is looking at my little silver butterflies when I walk off. Some women don’t wear heels, they go for comfort and ease, I can only be comfortable when I’m sexy and if means sacrificing my comfort, well my dear “buh bye” comfort, I love my shoes I cant get dressed up without them, a good pair of shoes aren’t gonna cost you under $100 I don’t care what you think after a while it’s gonna get busted, but lets not talk about price.

I asked a couple of my readers to send me pictures of their favorite pair of heels and how they feel when they wear them so lets start.

Lets hear some other testimonials my Wife, Professional makeup artist to the stars, Loni Jones:

Loni's magical pair

i wore these heels for the first time last night! having them on made me feel like queen of the shoe-niverse, ruler of the shoe-dom! i loved when stares were directed at my shoes and not my face or my body…in these 6 inch heels i was the hot stepper! knowing they were on MY feet made me feel so sexy….a modern day cinderalla kind of sexy…only i dont have a wicked step mother, didnt lose a foot (thank god) and a prince didnt find it to come looking for me…ahh well!.

Next Testimonial is coming from Stephanie Campbell,

Ms Campbells favorite

Stephanie says, “When I wear this, I feel super duper sexy”

Next Testimonial is coming from Gillian Francis

BCBG i love it

This is what she has to say “These make me feel like a sex goddess! That is all”

Women are so magnificent, We make it look easy. If you have a pair of heels that makes you feel special send me a picture “Misslaurendunn@gmail.com” and I’ll post it.

xoxoxoxi Lauren O Lauren we love shoes

Here’s a look at my shoe wish list;

wish one

wish two

wish 3

wish 4

Sex is Boring!!

Shame on you if you thought sex was a skill, something you could master and perfect like fucking cooking?
Sex is BORING!!!! It is not a technique it is not an art its a connection, SEX IS A CONNECTION. Boys if you really think that you’re gonna do anything any different that will make me “MELT” please don’t waste your time, i’m so sick and tired of hearing what you think you can do for me in bed. Get to know me, laugh with me, listen to me bitch about stupid things don’t respond don’t try to solve it, just nod your head and say ok.

For me, sex has to be a connection, if it was anything else trust me, we would have a problem, i’m attracted to how much you want to do with me, not how much you want to do with me in bed. Not saying I don’t like sex, just saying I like it when the guy is a little more than a penis.

i don’t need good sex, I’ve never had an orgasm because it’s not important to me and i’m not interested, I get pleasure from really, really loving my partner and as long as he’s having a good time I’m happy. I’m kind of like ummm, I’m not sure what I’m trying to say.
I just hate it when men think it’s about sex, I would settle for bad sex, horrible sex if my partner makes me laugh, and we watch TV, and he smells nice and and he knows all my little quirks and can predict my every move. For me good sex is repetition, how many times can it repeat itself? I want it to be with the same person all the time, don’t take sex so serious when you’re with me or i’ll be turned off and it will become a duty not something we’re doing because we enjoy each other and we’re rewarding ourselves.

I wonder if i’m making any sense, Some girls like sex a lot, I like boys that make me laugh a lot! I don’t have to sex, i feel better when I don’t, after sex my body feels violated. Ugh SEx is BorIng!!

BORING

xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren. (I’d rather not fuck you)

Would I do porn?

My myspace Profile picture in 2007

In 2007 I had that picture above as my profile picture, it was probably February or somewhere near there when I was approached (for a lack of a better word) by a reputable porn company to do porn. I’ll never forget, I couldn’t understand if it was a compliment or they were saying i looked like that kinda girl?

I remember then calling me and telling me exactly what they wanted me to do, and they broke down the payment and how it work, I was soooooo intrigued, I didn’t know all those things had a price. Here i was thinking porn was just two people having sex in front of a camera, it wasn’t that at all.

Porn is in no way glamourous, let me be personal, sex is already a tedious and waste of time activity, so i thought for a quick second really, really quick getting paid for it would be cool eh. But not with Porn because they’re gonna make sure you’re not doing anything you like, the idea of Porn is unreal, yet relatable sex, so it’s nothing that the reasonable would just randomly do, but it’s something both the reasonable and the unreasonable man would think about doing. Without further thought i erased the thought of Porn from my beautiful mind.

Why did Lawrence Fishbourne daughter do Porn? why did she get arrested for prostitution twice, to the public eye her daddy is a good man, he doesn’t have any scandals that we know about and she said herself that she has a good relation ship with both her parents. Lawrence Fishbourne and his wife, her mother split when she was younger but i’m terribly sorry there is no excuse for her behavior, If she thinks she’s gonna use the defense that her parents got a divorce bitch got another thing coming, we dnt care if daddy used to beat her, or call her stupid. What she has a classic case of I was born a slut and I love sex! thats it.

She keeps comparing what she has done to Kim Khardashian and her sex tape, but those are two different things, she will never get the respect that Kim is getting now because she took the stupid route, she is saying she wants to branch out and do acting like other porn stars. But Montanna those other porn stars didn’t have a rich daddy who was already and actor and could be used as a platform for her career! i’m just saying!!

So Would I do porn? probably who knows, but like i’ve said before i’m not taking less than my asking price, no sale, no bag door deals!!! Im worth it!!

xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren!

Her

The Universe is the biggest teacher. Just make a wish

I’m currently sitting in TGI Fridays with my friend who is a doctor at UWI originally my aim was to beg more anti depressants or stock up on signed prescriptions, i’ve changed my mind in the course of the last two days however I was still hungry so i kept the date.

I just saw the race in Stockholm between Usain Bolt and Tyson Gaye and saw him loose to Gaye. For the past two days I swear the universe has been trying to tell me something, teach me handful of lessons and make me better.
Usain needed to loose this race today, because the Universe needed to teach him that when you’re on top its easier to fall, to maintain stability it takes hard work and focus.

Wednesday I learnt something that made me feel like I wanted to die, I sound a bit mad and confusing but thats just because my blog has gotten so public I have to be careful what I write. The universe re introduced me to a man who has been a shadow in my past for years now, I always make reference to him and he surfaced now when I’m totally confused and baffled and in a weird kind of way he’s the answer to all my questions, and I finally have a unique kind of closure. Not Closure from him but from everything that has been bothering me, I am literally fucking FREE!!

Every time I make a wish the universe grants it, I dare say I’m the luckiest person I know, I’ve never ever needed anything, the universe has my back.

Everything is important, I wish I could take every woman and tell her don’t cry, or chase or stalk any guy with doesn’t want to be with you. Men aren’t dogs or ungrateful bastards, they’re people, and sometimes we order fries and realize we don’t want it, every thing in your life is preparing you for your biggest day ever.

I’m going to great, I know this, I was made for what’s coming my way. I don’t need to demand anything from anyone, if it’s mine the universe will make sure I get it and it won’t necessarily be from the person I expected. We don’t need to take revenge on a single soul, time will prove who is better, my mother used to say the race is not for the swift but for those who can endure it to the end. It has always been about endurance, how long can you keep it up.

I feel spiritually revived, I feel like a new person. Congratulations to my friend who has a two kids and a new one on the way. I’m not even jealous i’m so happy for you, i’m glad you were apart of my life, and I know you’re gonna be a great father.

Remember people, take life one day at a time do all you can while you can and live for you! Because you cannot be sure if some one else will appreciate you.

xoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren I’ve found the secret to happiness, it’s empathy!

Suicide.

Many people have no real clue what suicide is, yeah we’re all aware that its about killing yourself, but under what grounds?

When I was about 15 I read a book called “Veronica decides to Die” its about a girl preparing to finish University in Europe I think it was, she had like one semester left, she was happy, she had perfect skin, she finally had a boyfriend who loved her and one day she decided: “Hey i’m gonna kill myself” Not because she was unhappy like many people thought but because she thought she was at the best time in her life, she didn’t wanna fuck it up, she was living under the theory, that when your on top the only way else to go is down.

Committing Suicide is easier said than done, It’s literally you against yourself. It’s easier to kill someone else than to kill your self because you can intimidate another person, but we really cant intimidate ourselves now can we. In most movies right before someone kills themselves, the producers always show a struggle whether is a two second pause before the victim pulls the trigger or teary cry scene before they jump the cliff. what you’re seeing is a person fighting them self. You are your biggest enemy, whether we believe it or not.

When a person kills them self, it’s not because they’re unhappy! Unhappy people drink, smoke, take drugs whatever! they find something that temporarily relieves them, and that way can work for years. When someone kills them self, It’s like they gave up on life, they just cant be bothered. Think of it as person who just one day quit their job or send in their resignation two weeks before, in this case they would walk around with the thought and exact plans on how they’re gonna do it, and one day they just quit.

Suicide is a person giving up at life, throwing the towel in and saying I’m done no more. It’s not about being unhappy, even though a large percentage of persons who commit suicide are unhappy, being unhappy in this case is like fries with a burger, not the main course of the meal but something to nibble on.

Persons who actually commit suicide can be considered some really wicked persons, to kill yourself is not easy task, if it was trust me we’d all be dead, it’s not a one, two, “Yeah i’m gonna kill myself” then you’re dead. It’s like going in a boxing ring with yourself, a person who knows everything about you, all the past and present moves, by the time you throw a punch you already know where you’re gonna throw it so you block it. Just the same way that boxing match with yourself can go on and on, so can that thought of suicide in your head.

What do we do if someone arounds us say they are going to kill them self? Do you talk them out of it?

If I ever say i’m gonna commit suicide I beg you just leave me to it. If I could have actually killed myself I would have done it long ago.

A person who has failed at their efforts to commit suicide, well thats a whole different blog, i’ll probably tackle it tomorrow.

xoxoxo Lauren O lauren

$1 a year, so you never forget.

When I was probably 10 I remember watching a documentary on Drunk Driving, instead of walking away learning that drinking lead to serious consequences? I walked away with a different lesson, on how mankind put a price tag on everything and expected everything was buyable or for sale and while this may seem so most of the time, It isn’t always true.

THE STORY:
Robert was coming home from a party too drunk to realize he was too drunk to drive. Being heavily intoxicated he didn’t see the oncoming car that was in front of him he hit it so hard the person driving it, who turned out to be a 20 year old college student returning home to her parents for the summer died on contact. In Court the family decided they didn’t want to send Robert to Prison, that all they ask for, is for Robert to send them a check every year of only $1.
Robert thought wow he got away, but he didn’t. It haunted Robert every single year leading up to writing that check, it was driving him mad, after about seven years he wrote them a big check totaling a life span of 2000 years on earth. The girls family brought the issue back to court saying it wasn’t about the money, they didn’t need a $1 a year or any specific amount of money a year for that matter, they had lost their daughter and they were grieving constantly. They want to make sure Robert never ever forgot what he took from them. By writing them a check every year at any denomination would at least let them know that at that moment Robert was aware he took there daughter and because of him she’s dead. So while he was haunted once a year they were haunted every day for the rest of their lives.

END OF STORY

I’ll never ever forget that story, I’m 23 years old and I still remember it. Robert wanted to put a price tag on the life he took. He wanted to write it off as bad debt and that would be it. The Human race discovered money and now we think we can buy everything and pay for anything. The Dream has a song on his current album called “Make up bag” what the song is basically saying is whenever you upset your girl friend just drop “5 stacks on her makeup bag” basically saying buy her back happy.
I may talk a lot of shit and come across as fairly unreasonable, but that’s just because I want to. I would be cruel and unkind if I said my mother never taught me how important “Empathy” is, Empathy allows you the ability to forgive those who you may have think, have trespassed against you or hurt you. You can step inside their shoes for a little bit and realize that they really don’t know any better do they?

I’m not the leader of a religious army, but the story of Jesus Christ is one of the biggest and best stories of Empathy and poetic justice I’ve ever seen. We should teach our kids and learn ourselves about self respect, Empathy and the love and value of our brothers and sisters who we share this air on earth with.

Im sitting here thinking, this is the fucking problem, this is why we have crime, violence and all this stupid shit, even the fucking oil spill it’s cause a lot of us have no clue about Empathy. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying I don’t love money any less than anybody else, fuck it I probably love money more than your every day “money lover”. But I will never sell myself for less than the asking price, No Sale signs, No Bonus, no mother fucking Deals. I’de rather sit in the show room until my parts rotten.

xoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren

Top 10 people who I think are celibate.

Some people don’t like sex, some people can’t have sex, and some people have lots of sex but point blank there are some people that nobody wants to have sex with. Or said a little friendlier there are some people i know are not having sex.

This is my Top 10 persons who i think are celibate.

La Lewis, He doesn't even want to Have sex with himself.

The Queen, No one is allowed to touch the royal Vagina!!!!

The Prime minister. we believe he's lying when he says he is having sex.

Edward Seaga is probably not having sex either

The King of Pop is dead we know he is not having sex

Miley Cyrus is having sex who put this picture here. sorry guys this doesnt count!!

Kat Stacks is done!!!

Patrick isn't having sex because he a cartoon character

My puppy because he's still a virgin

Thats my list of persons who I think are celibate,

xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren

If the bra doesn’t fit, you must acquit.

I used to watch “Pretty Woman” over and over and over again when I was a little girl, from the early days of my life I knew being a woman and having Vagina was gonna be one of my biggest achievements, that movie graphed my life. That’s where I learnt that men where suppose to give us lots of money, send us shopping while they work, be scared of heights and work extremely long hours. That probably explains my very shallow views of men, I’ve never been like my friends who got brainwashed into thinking that an independent woman who works her own money and pays half at dinner is attractive to men.
No fuck that! You’re a man, pay the bills, send me shopping and listen to my stupid sad stories all day, do you wanna know why, i will be too happy to explain. Having a vagina is very expensive, top of the line pads/ tampons cost more than a pair of boxers, gynecologist visits will cost more than a hair cut at the barber, and if you tell me my gynecologist visits have nothing to do with you then stay the fuck away from my vagina.

Men are suppose to pay the bills and work long ass hours and thats the end of it, you expect me to wear matching bras and panties all the, do you know how much a pair of Calvine Klein underwear set costs? and thats the only brand that hugs my small breast and if you think my breast are too small, well my love guess what? Mama is open to plastic surgery if you’re paying. *wink wink*

To all the women who are spoiling men into thinking they don’t have to pay for anything, well just remember when your nine months pregnant and vomiting your life away, or when he’s on top of you wasting your time with what he thinks is amazing sex, when you and I both know you’d rather be cleaning. I’m just saying. We put up with a lot.

On a lighter note make sure you like my two favorite pages on facebook!!!!!

Lauren Alexander

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