Fall Trends- The Black people should stay away from.

Yes Fashion we all love it, I’ve never really been into what’s in more of “what’s in that i Like and would look sensible in” And while magazines, Fashion Bloggers and stylist are cluttering our brain waves with fashion advise, I thought I’de do one for the “sisters”. So I’m going to analyze a couple of these styles and see if they are Black approved:

NEUTRALS seem to be big this fall, because of the splash of color we saw during summer. This works fine for Black sisters and it’s fine for people who live in tropical climates like myself.
I like to describe neutrals as base colors since you would usual use them to build or layer an outfit.

Another trend that was seen a lot on the run way were longer skirts, yeah its a do, not my cup of tea though. I like t=my skirts a little beyond the knee but if it’s going to be down to my ankles it better be a dress.

Over The knee boots! I love it and its definitely a trend the “sisters” can partake in, love them, reminds me of my favorite movie, Pretty Woman with Julia Roberts, But can tropical climates partake in this trend, I don’t see why not just keep them to night time as oppose to day time.

Lace is also making a big and bold statement this month, mix and match it with different pieces, the mens look is big for women so try it with a manly suite.

My favorite statement of course, is animal print, every woman must have a pair of leopard print pumps in her closet, i have a really nice pair but they happen to be two left foot, i bought them in a boutique store in Philadelphia and when i tried to return them they had closed down they are absolutely gorgeous, I keep trying to find another pair but with no luck. But animal print is definitely hot and what i missed out on in the boot I made up for it with my zebra print leggings and cheetah spotted matching bra and panty set

Red lips seem to be in, I don’t know about most sisters but I cant wear red lipstick its not condolent to my skin tone. According to Allure crazy brows are also in look at the picture judge for yourself.

Rosy cheeks are also in take a look at the pictures is it any wonder they usually use white models.

Glad to share that with you ladies, PS colored nails are still BIG, but short nails, those dracula nails that you ladies have been sporting is not cute.

xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren

Men who want to have sex with boys.

NAMBLA founder David Thorstad lies on his water bed with two young boys

Originally I was ment to be doing something really important but I started doing some research and got distracted, I came across the NAMBLA’s website and home page, let me break the code for you “North American Man/Boy Association” What NAMBLA does is fight to end the oppression of men and boys in consenting sexual relationships, So what they’re saying is that presently the law is restricting them because the law doesn’t understand. According to them NAMBLA has been around for 30 years supporting these men who supposedly go to prison for “molesting” young boys whom I think they “think” love them. They believe strongly in Man and Boy relationships.

I copy this from their website this is how they described Man/Boy love “It’s the love of a man for a boy, and of a boy for a man. Enjoyable, consensual, beautiful”
Now you wanna see something even more disturbing, this is also something I copied from their site, this is what two young boys had to say about their older male “suitors”

“Who we are is perhaps best understood from Dr. John Money’s account of two boys, who speak about how they view their adult lovers: Andy – “Just as normal as anybody else. He is like a second father to me.” Burt – “He’s neat; and he’s nice, and gives me more respect than anyone ever has … he treats me like an adult, not like my parents treat me. To me, he’s my best friend.”

Allow me to interpret what I get out of it, children like toys, they like gifts and they like to get, an older man giving them nice things is of course going to seem nice to them. What I just read above was not the definition of love, not in the slightest, I do not believe a child can know what love is or even begin to understand it. Why do you think children only really love their parents after they are much older and have moved out of the house.

A man who has sex with a boy is nasty and worst than what society conceives to be homosexual, some of these boys are just dam near greedy and the love of pretty things comes with a painful price is all I have to say. I don’t know what is happening in this world on their website you can make a donation, you know to support these sick fucks or you can join fight the historic sick cause. They use the writings of Plato and many other great philosophical figures to justify their cause.

hmmmmm I have nothing more to add, if my nephew told me he had a man giving him money and doing sexual acts with him, I would neatly drive over him with his dad’s car.

xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren (Don’t bring kids into this world if you’re ready for parenting. Support your local abortion clinic or use condoms)

Dear God could you stop doing that and pay attention to me please!

I just heard some troubling news, First one is the Gay pastor of a huge Mega Church in Atlanta is accused of having sex with several teenage boys, lavishing them with expensive gifts and cars. I don’t understand why do the Gay men get all the expensive gifts and the fucking cars? I’m not ungrateful I’m just pondering.

Then I hear about a lady whose Husband went to the Chest Hospital to do a minor surgery, he’s 31 has two kids just finished his degree, she just had a baby last December they were happy and ready to take on the world. He never woke up after they put him to sleep for the surgery! He died God, I’ve been begging you for the past two weeks! to take me but no, you take someone else who obviously wants to be alive. I’m not criticizing your work I’m just saying exactly what are you doing, are you gonna take my life when I’m happy and don’t want to die? why would you do that?

Listen if you read this blog and you’re free this week, then I can be available up until Friday. Friday is when my rent is due, if you’re gonna kill me Friday it has to be before 8am cuz by 8 my landlord would have already been parked outside waiting on her rent, what’s the point of dieing after the rent is paid?

Talk to ya later God

xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren (ps this blog is not to be taken literal it’s a private conversation between God and a subject)

I left my wallet at home

Went to meet a friend for I guess you can call it a chat, a guy friend of mine, he suggested it. I met him there and we were talking blah, blah, blah I ordered food he ordered as well a shrimp business thing, I just had a simple hamburger. The bill came, I never ever reach for my purse but over the last couple of months I’ve total forgotten what it’s like for a man to spoil me, I was tied down in a non profitable relationship and I got used to being fucking reasonable.

So I said to my friend I have my card so just give me your cash, yes everyone Aunty Lauren was splitting the bill and you know what happened it back fired in my pretty little made up Mac c7 powdered face. He felt his pockets and went “oh dammit I left my wallet in the car” As soon as he said I felt sick because I’ve seen this scene in lots of movies and read about them, even laughed at others who mentioned them and here I was being played!!
He said to meet him by his car, he went on his phone and I paid the bill but I knew there was no money in his car, come one, I may seem a little dumb but before one man ruined my game, I used to take 1st class trips to LA just to buy clothes to go on first class trips to the Barbados and Aruba my life was perfect.
When I got into his car I didn’t even bring it up, I just let it be when he dropped me home, I simply said you owe me dinner.

I’m not mad because the next man I get my paws on is gonna pay for this horrible year I’ve been having!

That is all I’m gonna say about that.

xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren become a fan of The Market on Facebook,The Market

Promote Your Page Too

The IT girl at The party is very good host.

A good host is always drunk! hahahaha. A good host is supposed to be friendly and knowledgeable of her audience, people have always told me I’m very entertaining but the truth is, I’m not entertaining at all, I’m mad so because I’m mad people’s views, comments and reactions don’t matter to me, allowing me to be ME!!!

So here are some of my winning “IT Girl” tips, good hosts as we “IT” girls tend to be don’t just drink anything, those are called clumsy college girls trying to fit in. No honey fabulous people always have a signature drink, mine has been “Vodka and Redbull” for the longest while, however I have since graduated to a more lady like drink that gets me drunk much quicker and works well with everything else, I now drink lots of red wine. Since being introduced to red wine and all the benefits it has to my vagina I keep bottles and bottles of it at home, of course most of these bottles are empty but that’s not the point. The point is have a drink and write your name on it.

The next thing IT girls do is they test themselves, they know how much will get them drunk, they know drinking this portion will make them tell everyone what really happened last summer. So know your measurements and never over do it, it’s not Fabulous.

A good host knows her liquor down to the mathematics of it, the cheaper the tequila the worst you will feel when you wake up tomorrow morning, trust Aunty Lauren, I’ve been there. Coffee induced tequila feel much better in the morning!

Now it’s time for Red Wine, there are over 25 different types of it, but the most common ones you’ll find behind a bar when you order a glass is Merlot and probably Chardonnay. Red Wine goes really well with pastas and pizza. When you’re hosting a party or being an IT girl and you’re catering to more than 20 people there is no way in hell you will be able to, or is expected to have a meaningful conversation with anyone, a meaningful conversation lasts at least 20 minutes a party lasts for what 4 to 5 hours, if you talk to everybody for 20 minutes that party would go on for days!!!

When you’re ready to leave, there are several things you can do, you can yawn, pretend to be really, really drunk or say you have a meeting/shoot/a doctor’s appointment/ a yeast infection (lol) to do early tomorrow morning

I hope this information kinda helped a bit as it relates to Being the “IT” girl and hosting a party.

xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren

My 22 second birthday party at Medusa, i raised money and collected food for a children's charity.

A Buddhist Tale, from me to you.

My grandfather gave me a book called. “A flock of fools” some ancient Buddhist Tales of wisdom and laughter. It’s one of my favorite books and I never get tired of it. I’m gonna share a story with you about a thief, its called

THEFT OF GOLD
Many years ago in a distant land two peddlers went to the marketplace together to sell their wares. One of the peddlers brought true gold to offer, and the other sold cotton. During the day a customer interested in the gold scorched it to test its authenticity. Then he placed it back down on the table. When the cotton peddler saw him place the gold back down, he made sure no one was looking and then quickly grabbed the other’s scorched gold and wrapped it in his cotton. But the gold was still hot and it burned up the cotton wrapping. Thus, his theft was exposed and he lost both the gold and the cotton.

Now read that over a couple times, how well can you interpret that story? What is the message here?

Tomorrow I’m gonna post another story.

Xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren,

IT’S UNFAIR

whats not fair? tell me what is
Wow it seems I’ve been falling behind in my blog writing! So I thought hey that’s a thought going into the new year! I wanna talk about the business! Any kind of business, my grandfather once said “when in Rome, do like the Romans” however he also went on to say “Boundless are the ways of foolish men”, well he didn’t say that I did.
My point is many people get up and say oh I’m gonna do this different and I intend to make this happen when truth of the matter is, there’s nothing much else you can do with a pair of white jeans that’s gonna make you stand out any different from the millions wearing white jeans! I don’t care what you wanna spray on it or where you plan to cut it. Before I confuse myself, what I’m really saying is if you really really want to stand out stay away from white jeans over all and buy red. For the sake of this blog coming off like a conversation about jeans, I’ll go further into saying there are ways of this world that aren’t easily changed, maybe you aren’t the one to change it, nothing is wrong with falling in line with the other solders. Everyone has heard the story of the millions who tried to pull a sword from a rock and rule a kingdom, only one man succeeded. Life isn’t fair, but its in the unfairness of situations that one can see where the world is at a perfect balance.
Just listen for a second there is a method to my madness, I can’t remember right now who first spoke about this but I promise you it wasn’t me, “there has to be good, for bad to exist”, “there has to be rich for there to be poor” you see what I’m getting at.

Life may seem unfair on this side, but that’s just because it seems fair on the other side. We all have a destiny, some have the power or will to change there’s some of us don’t but we all have the power to let go and be happy.

Think about something that made you upset today, then think to your self would this have upset me a year ago, will it still upset me a year from now? Who defines you? Who the fuck told you that you are defined by those idle persons who just sit down and talk bad about people all day, because secretly they themselves are stuck and pissed off that they can’t pull the sword from the rock!

I tweeted this the other day, and now I’ll say it again. Not every fight was ment to be won, save your energy for the war!

Xoxox Lauren Alexander, I am originally me!

Don’t allow him to move you in!

I grew up on a farm my mom and dad were very poor they had 10 children I was the 10th, hahahahahaha not really I just always wanted to say that ahahahaha.

Now let’s go on to another topic which most women find tricky. I’m 23 years old and I have never lived with a man, yes it could be that I’m annoying, problematic and just too dam loud. It could also be that I’m unwilling to put my trust solely into a man and give up my independence. Girls blush when guys move them in they feel special and loved, but the reality of the situation is you’re now climbing up some very high steps and not using the handle bar what happens when you miss a step, he throws you out and moves another one in. Guys who want there girlfriends to live with them are the guys who cheat while playing monopoly and probably owns a pair of loaded dice. They like to be in control, and if there is anywhere that a man can exude his kingly behavior then it would have to be his home, under his roof where you either do as you’re told or get out.

I don’t know why women keep making this mistake, if you live with him there is no need 87% of the time for him to marry you, he’s already getting the benefits of being married to you, he wakes up beside you, you clean, cook, remind him that the cable bill is still unpaid and one day you’ll miss a day on your pill and he’ll get you pregnant. By then your dreams of getting married in Alexander Mcqueen dress will be neatly replaced with hoping he comes home on time because the baby won’t stop crying.

Don’t give up what is due to you ladies, if he says move in say, sure buy me a ring. He’ll think twice if you mean something to him he’ll buy you a ring and think about it, but if you let him move you in and you refer to each other as Husband and wife, well that’s defeating the purpose, if of course you dnt mind being just live in and out girlfriend and boyfriend for the rest of your life. Look at his track record has he always lived with women? How soon does he move them in? How quickly does he move them out?
Being in a mans house creates room for easy “conformity” you now become “property” like the couch and the plasma tv you go with the decor but come next fall you could be the wrong color and may be replaced with next seasons must have, a sleeker, younger, much more willing version.

Like a lot of things in life, you are told never to jump all in except in Vegas of course, when investing money, investors tell you to keep a little back in case the market collapses, a relationship is like an investment it can collapse any time, always have an alternative, would you go to the middle of the ocean and not bring a life jacket if you said yes your like the fool who didn’t prepare. Men like what they can’t have, they want to control what seems impossible, tell him you won’t move in until he makes you feel like its a permanent move, after all you’re not Jehovahs witness there’s no need for you to be roaming from house to house. Tell him you want a ring its not too much to ask for if he’s willing to move you in after all.

There’s an old Jamaican proverb, “see me and come live wid me, a two different thing”

You may spend weeks at a time at his house, but you go ahead and move in there and see what a difference the situation makes. Don’t take my words lightly ladies.

Xoxox Lauren Alexander, smarter than I appear!

Dear Reader, I got this email a while back,

I’ve scouting my tumblr for old posts and I thought I’de redo a couple of them, here is one from a little over a year ago.

I Received an email today from one of my male readers. Big Up all the men who read my columns, this is the email…….

Hello, i know you dont have a ph’d in psychology but your a woman and that’s enough.
I have been going out with my girlfriend for over 4 1/2 years now, this april 16 will be 5 years.
Since in first couple of years sex was great but then its like the tap turned off. Whats even worse
she is very unaffectionate now. But always wants to come over. I feel like she is my sister now.

As a male this is VERY VERY frustrating. I havent cheated on her but i am a male, we CANNOT live without sex, and no masturbation isnt the same, not even close.
How can women expect to have a relationship with a man and then trap them by turning it into a sibling affair with no intimacy and no sex. And im not talking about
demanding it 3 times a day, im talking about maybe 2 to 3 times a week or even once a week. I havent had sex with my girlfriend in 8 months and she doesnt even want me to touch her in any suggestive manner it seems.*sigh*

My other male friends complain about this as well. They say they might as well call their girlfriends/wives their sister, cuz really what would be the difference???

I know this isnt one of those Dear Doc articles in the gleaner, but im asking you as a woman, why do women do this.
Because of this, im afraid or certain im never getting married, because it would feel like too much of a trap. im sorry i just love sex too much,
but i want to it be with my woman, im not into cheating around.

BTW my sister,oops i mean my girlfriend just turned 25.
Dear young man,

I’m going to give you my opinion as a woman, I also asked 3 other of my female friends also because I don’t want to be biased. So we all agreed except one, you know what allow me to start from the top.

Maybe she lost a baby for you, and her appetite for sex has died, maybe you had a fling a couple years back, or recently and it has made her unable to have that sexual emotion for you.

OR……. it could be this, she’s been with you for sooo long she’s reached her peek 25, and she probably out grew you, you aren’t what she wants anymore. She still hangs out with you so maybe she hasn’t found somebody that she wants to stay with just yet, but she definitely doesn’t want a relationship with you. She probably looks at you and wonders why she was with you to begin with, do you financially support her maybe that’s whats keeping her at your house.

My advise move on to a next girl someone who can give you what you want sitting down with someone who makes you unhappy isn’t helping any of you, you’d probably be doing her a favor, she clearly wants out, but whatever you’re giving her (which clearly isn’t sex) she wants to hang on to it.

I’m trying to think of something else that could cause this but nah, that’s it she goodly find a next man, i’m wondering how old you are, if you’re way older than her for sure she wants a young penis.

xoxoxoxox Lauren Alexander, Find happiness sweetheart, its out there.

My First Bra.

a woman's bra says a lot about her

My first bra was black and it wasn’t much smaller than the one I’m wearing now, the only difference is the one I’m wearing now is orange and has a USD$60 price tag, it does more for my skin tone than it actually does in the fight against gravity (Fuck my life)
It was my first year of boarding school, I was there for like I dunno 2 months when I realized and became fascinated with all the girls putting their bras on, on tv they show women struggling to latch our hooks at the back, but in reality we put our bras on backwards and then spin it around. I didn’t really need a bra but I wanted to feel like one of the girls and everybody had a bra except me. I remember how nonchalant my mother was when I told her, however the next week she brought me a simple black bra, it had no padding just a thin bone to keep my barely there breast from falling to me knees.

I wore that bra every day, it never even crossed my mind that I would need more. But that was fine because that’s what it was, my first bra it was the stage and building blocks for many more to come. How a woman treats her bras and how she feels about them, including how she shops for them is oddly but usually the way she sees and does everything else in her life.

I love all my bras and I don’t like any more than the other to be honest, I like them in lots of different colors and they all serve a different purpose, and I’m always looking for a new one.

A woman’s bra is one of those things that truly make us feminine and separates us from our male counterparts much easier than anything else I’m going to declare the rest of September national Bra month!! So everyday wear a bra that truly embodies your character.

Comment on this blog by saying what color bra you’re currently wearing and I’ll have a personality specialist tell you what kinda person you are.

xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren I’m wearing an orange bra!!