Happiness terrifies me though, whenever I find myself in one of those moods where the world feels perfect and everything is going my way, I want to just crawl into a hole and die. Something bad is going to happen soon, it’s like a beautiful sunny day followed by night. When Everything is crashing around me I can take comfort that I’m in a terrible place in my life and I don’t have to worry about it because im in it.
However the anticipation of waiting on things to go wrong and trust me, in my world, everything goes wrong, it goes horribly wrong and always when I least expect it but always in the middle of extreme happiness. Waiting on it makes me depressed.
The disappointment and the let down is what will drive you over the edge, well at least it does that to me every time. Would I rather be sad and miserable forever than to have a few moments of happiness? Of course I’d rather be sad and miserable forever, if the happiness is temporary I want nothing to do with it. It’s like being blind, getting your vision for the first time, finally seeing the world and then losing your fucking vision. You feel more fucked up than when you had no idea what the world looked like.
Life is such a weird and funny game sometimes, you do the right thing and still fall off track, you try to be cautious and you still get fucked over by the wrong people. So how do we win? You murder your emotions and divorce your feelings, they don’t serve you. Unless you’re one of those people who move on from situations like nothing ever happened.
Have an amazing weekend everyone.
xoxox Lauren O Lauren