I’m moody, I hate the color orange & I curse like a sailor

For a long time I thought a lot of things were wrong with me, I thought I had all these flaws that needed fixing and I was lucky if I found a guy who would put up with me. Can I tell you dumbest thing I’ve ever said, (except the time I thought sheep laid eggs, but that’s a different story and that’s not the point. anyways)

Every woman should embrace themselves and love everything about you, or your insecurities will become weapons against you. How many of you have married male friends, and you wonder, “Why the hell did he marry her, she’s such a bitch”. My own brother I love him to death, but he can’t buy shoes unless he gets his wife’s permission and I can barely stay over when I visit New York unless it’s ok with her, and he married her.
My friend told me this week if he went to country on anything but business his girlfriend would know because she would call his friends. Then I thought I’m not that bad? I’m very personal even in my relationships, I like to remain an individual at all cost, to the point where my boyfriend and I have two of everything, two IPADS, Two Lap tops, 2 ipods, 2 of every dam thing we use we share nothing but our time we never share a bill (lol).

So what if we’re hard to deal with sometimes, I promise you there’s a man out there waiting to make you his burden, don’t settle for an ok guy, or a guy who won’t realize you just bought super expensive underwear for him to take off, because I promise there is someone out there who will notice. Don’t think you aren’t the marrying type because we’ve all met married women and wondered which poor soul is married to them.

I’ve also said this before it’s not about the sex, because men don’t have sex with their wives, it’s not about wearing your “fuck me” heels because married women wear kitten heels and flats everywhere. (literally laughing my ass off at this point).

This is not a blog to bask married women or the pussy’s married to them. (now rolling around on the floor)
This is for the women still searching, and the women doubting themselves because they think they’re hard to love, you’re not hard to love and when you find the right man you’ll be happy that all your past relationships didn’t work. Would you wanna be with a man for the rest of your life who told you you’re breast were too small? or that you talk to loud? nope you wanna date someone who sends you a dozen roses by 8am on valentines day!!!!!

xoxoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren,

Stop waiting for him to love you, find someone who will

Several Bad habits of Successful people.

This blog is aimed at the fans of “The Market” on facebook, theres a link to it right here.

The Market

Promote Your Page Too

(1) We buy into the image we sell others

I’m going to go ahead and speak of , or better speak on what I have observed, a lot of successful businesses or companies get comfortable after awhile they get complacent.
They have the market and in this moment they feel like “Superman” nothing can stop them, but just like superman you will defeat this villain and trust me out of no where another one will appear. It’s like me and boyfriends, after awhile I get complacent and then we break up and I wanna walk into a truck, never out rule competition always have back up plan. (I always have a back up man)
We’re telling our costumers or our managers that we are the best ones for the job, no one else can get it done, and we start to buy the bullshit we sell others, our ego’s get the better of us and instead of working hard and getting the job done, we’re hiring makeup artist and making sure we look picture perfect at our next public function. As long as you remember with all things: you can be replaced, do not dwell on your created “God like” presence.

People are fickle and you may have their attention now, but as soon as something better comes, it doesn’t even have to be better, the right timing seems to be more important right now than the right product, so never forget to always keep the wheel turning and listen to your costumers, even the ones you don’t have they could sometimes have the most powerful insight.

We hire people we like.

Hiring people that don’t annoy you may not be a bad idea, but where business is concerned sometimes we have to take the personal out of it.
A lot of friends go into business together and later realize that maybe they should have just remained friends.
One of the best business decisions I have ever had the opportunity of making was teaming up with someone who hated me ( and I hated just as equally), to the point where this person was trying to sue me. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. People have this notion that to work with someone you have to like them, you don’t have to like anyone you work with, because you don’t go home to them.
I don’t have to come to work and smile with you every day and kiss your ass to be a good employee, I need to do my assignments properly and finish them on time and not abuse company policies.

We believe the Company owes us.

You were hired to do a job and you did it, but for some strange reason you think you deserve a trophy. We’re all guilty of that, and it is in a company’s best interest to support “Goal Congruence” and uplift the spirit of their employees and make them feel like they’ve gone beyond the call of duty and it was appreciated.

Bonuses and staff trips are just at the courtesy of the employer, you aren’t really entitled to it.

xoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren

There’s never anything you can say, that will be more than you can do.

I had just returned from an amazing weekend on Boston and I was walking around my room complaining about the fact that I had to leave a suitcase because I was overweight, when an old friend from High school called. I answered the phone and I was beyond annoyed because she was always calling about something dumb, when I heard her blurred voice on the other end of my cell phone say her mother died, suddenly all the little petty problems I had seemed so stupid. I didn’t know what to say, I couldn’t even say sorry, all I could say was “oh shit” even when she hung up in tears saying she’d call me back, I still hadn’t said anything that was worthy of a friend.

What do you say to some one who lost the most important person in their life, what do you say to a grieving person. You don’t have to say anything, let them know that no matter what you will always be there, showing support sometimes, just means being present when your name is called. When my mom was attacked and stabbed she was one of the few friends who called and went to visit my mom at home.

So i’m taking a few days from my partying and dressing up and going to visit her at home, I wont say much, lets face it I talk too much, I ‘ll just listen. I’m learning to be better to people and learning how to handle delicate situations with a tighter yet, softer grip.

Im not a preacher, God didn’t give me a message, i’m just one girl sharing my experiences with the world wide web.

xxoxox Lauren O Lauren, sometimes words aren’t enough.

Boys, friends and everything that falls in the bubble

Blessed I am blessed and I embody happiness, I think positive and i’m trying to inspire the world around me. But every now and again I get caught up in the bubble, the bubble is not a bad place to be it’s kind of like an antidepressant when you step out of the bubble you realize how awful it is.

Boys are great and when you meet one, your world spirals into multicolor techno patterns, that makes you smile when you should be paying attention. But don’t overlook important things, always look for the man, then wait for the gentleman to present himself. A man will take the bill and a gentleman will offer you and all your friends a drink if your out together. Not saying he should date all of you, but if you’re out with your friends he shouldn’t segregate you from your friends< i have to lift my hat to my ex, he was such a people person, if you met him you love him. He never mind taking the bill if me and my friends went for lunch and he came and saw us and only ordered a soda. When you just start dating some one be keen to their spending habits, when you're a couple you inherit each other's debt. I'm old fashioned I like to be spoiled and I like when men spend money on me because I believe that's the way it's suppose to be. A guy who refuses to pay for his own drinks, won't pay for yours.

Friends don't get caught up with people who look good beside you in pictures, Don’t be fooled by the bubble, bubbles don't last girls who gossip all the time about other people probably gossip about you, try to stay around people who are doing something with their lives and when you talk you talk about growing and developing. I say it all the time my friends from Prep school the ones I still speak to now, I cant see them out of my life. No matter what I'm doing I know one person will be on the bleachers wearing a cheerleading skirt screaming "Go Lauren" Thanks Jody for always having my back, through out all these years, you've watched me gone through so many boyfriends, and cliques but for some strange reason you stick around and you always support the stupid shit I do!

We all have to learn our own lessons I believe in self taught, as long as you promise to grow, then I will allow you to waste time in the hall way.

I know my blogs have gotten super boring because, I'm growing and i'm at a different place right now. so i'll end this blog with a sexy picture of myself to keep it spicy.

Whatever you can think, you can also think of a way to achieve it.

xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren this year is your year, grow, shine and become

I swear to tell the whole fucking truth

December 31st 2010, you know I couldn’t allow the clock to strike midnight without updating my loyal readers on the things I plan to do in the new year and share my knowledge of bad experiences with you.
First of all special shout outs to all The PACHA Massive and by that I mean everyone who attended and showed support for what Happened in Fiction Lounge December 28th, we loved the love.

What an awesome year this has been for me personally, I’m so happy I could die, I’m not even being funny. I wish I could get some years off me and be 19 again but being young comes with the heavy price of being dumb. I have found a new personal motto “Ask for what you want, and you will get it” with one rule behind it “expect nothing and get everything” I would be an awful person if I didn’t explain how it works to you.

Sometimes you find yourself in certain situations and you can not, I mean cannot see the positive or even find a way out depression happens to everyone and it is a very real mental disorder that can last for days, weeks, months and most person struggle with it for life and use medication to control it. There is no cure for it and no real explanation as to what really causes it.
A couple of years ago I read a book called “Why your life sucks” by Alan H Cohen, then last September my room-mate gave me the “Secret” I was trying to avoid that book for a while because I thought it was very cliché. However I read it and everything came together and suddenly it wasn’t a secret anymore, ask for what you want from whomever you think has it, make a plan to get it, don’t put your life on pause for it and it will be yours.
I used to tell some one “You will get everything you wish for babe, just wait” at the time I was probably just rambling, but in a sick kind of way it was a foresight into the future events of my life. I told God I need a man who works a 9-5, was career driven, had no friends and who adored every flaw on my body and this man walked right into my life and all my friends love him.

If you don’t know what you want you will not get it, if you do not know who you are the things you want will not be able to find you. Life isn’t always fair, but without a doubt life can be enjoyed and the things we want can be achieved> I don’t want to sound cliché or repetitive but when I look back on my lives experiences and look at myself today I laugh, cry and confuse myself all at once. A week ago I got food poisoned and I remember while eating the food that made me sick, I felt it, I knew before I ate it that something bad was going to happen to me, life is like that. You always know the man you’re marrying is not good for you, you always knew that girl was using you, and you knew from day one that Don’t ignore the small signs.

Believe it or not your gut tells you, listen to it, trust yourself.

For the new year let’s try being nicer to each other, let’s try being nicer to ourselves first.

I am Lauren O Lauren and this has been a great fucking Year #POW

Raped by my own system

If you follow me on twitter you would have heard first hand about the beautiful day i’ve been having, A friend of mine decided to surprise me and send me a box of ummm must have’s I suppose, an Ipod Docking station US$60, a Chi Flat Iron (free), a pair of glittered 6 inch pumps from Steve Madden and V-Necks from Hanes US$5. In total the form that my UPS agent dropped off to me this morning after telling me that customs detained my box was US$170.

I went to the airport where customs is located and after opening my box, the customs supervisor on duty, went to his office and googled the cost of the products, took the highest prices found online and charged me %100 duty on all my pieces. There was even a birthday card on top of all my goodies to prove that it was just an innocent birthday present, im not a higgler or a hustler, after I was told how much I was expected to pay, i immediately started crying because I couldn’t believe I was going to pay US$400 for a box of stuff valued at $US170, that I was receiving as birthday present. It dawned on me that I was buying my belongings that were already paid for back from the government, why?

I thought about the scenarios in two ways;

Scenario 1
I’m have a store and I ship things in, I buy the product for $170, then I ship it for $350, then when it gets to Jamaica customs charge me $400, that’s already $920. Now once I put it in my store I have to tax it again Gct, blah, blah plus I have to charge you for rent, light, my staff etcetera so add all that together and you the consumer will now pay Jamaican one million dollars for something that once cost $170, it makes it hard to live here doesn’t it, you can’t even blame those stores when you go in them and see the cheap pieces you can buy in Forever 21 for $10 because the Jamaican customs are telling you how much they think you paid for it because it looks expensive ( they don’t travel)

Scenario 2
I’m a broke ass, underpaid government worker who got that box and I can’t afford the US$400 tariff. Do you know what happens then, it stays at Costums as opposed to going back to the sender.
You have to write a letter asking for it to be sent back to the sender, the letter may more than likely be denied, because it has to be approved.
What will happen according to the customs officer who I spoke to on the phone is, your belongings will go up in an auction, auctioned off to guess who??? The Custom officers of Jamaica land we love.
So if you can’t afford to pick up your belongings, more than likely you wont be able to write a letter because you have to hand deliver the letter to “The Collector of customs, New Port East, Kgn 15” not many people know that, come on we’ve never been the country that provides it citizens with information. So consider your belongings on the supervisors girlfriends feet.

Don’t get me wrong the money isn’t really the problem, my problem is how the government makes my lively hood their cash cow, I wouldn’t mind if my garbage truck came once a week as opposed to once a month like a period. I would feel better if Government pharmacies had more than Asprin and DPH in em, better roads, a better contribution to tertiary level education, a better health system and if Kern told me what he did with the lightbulbs I wouldn’t mind paying 100% tax on my stuff.

But you want to rape me of everything and give me nothing in return, I will not stop until I have changed that rule where Customs auction off people’s belongings, This is my Jamaica and I set the rules. If persons can’t afford to pick up their belongings it should be sent back to the sender. Who ever made the rule for it to be auctioned off is a hungry belly unethical, non-moral mother fucker.

xoxoxox lauren O Lauren

The eve of, this my 24th year.

The number 24, is the smallest number with exactly eight divisors, it even has a religious meaning,In christian apocalyptic literature it represents the complete Church, being the sum of the 12 tribes of israel and the 12 Apostles of the Lamb. Pretty deep huh.

once read that “age is a high price to pay for maturity” but is it really, is it really the numbers on our birth certificates that bother us,

John Glenn said “there is still no cure for the common birthday” Most times birthdays aren’t really welcomed with open arms, i love my birthday and I always have, it’s one of the happiest times of my life and thus far, every birthday has had great meaning for me, good things always happen for me this time of year.

Every year I make a list of the people who are around me at the start of the year and the end of the year, I’ve been making that list for 4 years now, its never quite the same list, but I don’t get sad about it, because some people only come into your life to show you a path, they won’t necessarily walk the road with you as long as you understand that you’re fine.

This year has been an amazing year for me i’de be an ungrateful bitch I said it wasn’t, to the friends who never made it with me till this day I won’t scatter roses and I won’t carry a grudge, because the universe has been too good to me. I feel like I’m the luckiest girl alive, even when I think the world has ended and i just wanna die POW something amazing happens and I’m like that God that failed. To the new friends I’m carrying over to the new year with me, we’re gonna have sooo much fun as long as you know that after 5pm on any given day I could be drunk so don’t believe a word I say and never attempt to call me before 11am are you fucking crazy!

At 24 I feel I’m really ready to do things a little bit different, I’m finding my groove in more ways than one, Ps All the men who think that they fucked me “tsk, tsk, tsk” I’m learning new things about my body I didn’t even know could happen as Timberlee said “when me buss dis yah wine yah, wifey get leff” hahahahahahahaha

Enough about sex, I think it’s safe to say I’ve had enough experiences, learnt a few lessons and I’m now on the path to put some of that into actual play, when my friend Lorenzo died May of this year, it made me realize that it isn’t about the Good, the Bad or any of the above and it never was, why do we humans think this is about us. This is a small piece of a bigger puzzle and death isn’t necessarily the end, but perhaps a new beginning (ps don’t go killing yourself now, it’s after 5pm I could be drunk while I’m typing this).

However if you must know my dear I am not bitter, but neither do I wish you well, I am not saying I found the answer but I believe I understand the question. I will love another day, I will make more mistakes, I will cry again, laugh even harder this time, I will get another year older and I’m going to love every minute of it.

I DEDICATE THIS BLOG TO MY DEAREST FRIEND LORENZO, WHO WOULD HAVE TURNED 24 NOVEMBER 28TH BUT DIED BEFORE IT CAME, I DUNNO IF HE’S LUCKY TO STAY 23 OR UNLUCKY TO NEVER SEE 24. I NEVER CRIED IN MAY AND IT’S DECEMBER NOW BUT IM CRYING, I WAS 2 MONTHS PREMATURE, YET FOR SOME STRANGE REASON I’M LATE FOR EVERYTHING.

xoxoxoxoxoxo LaurenOLauren

Its lonely at the Top, but many of us are cluster-phobic

Very interesting observation I made the other day, actually I prefer the term “Famous” as opposed to interesting. Went to a party with my girlfriends and saw an acquaintance of all of ours, went over said “HI” and of course I threw in a bunch of my spot on humor, I get very funny around rich people. So I noticed he wasn’t trying to excuse himself to go anywhere and no one was coming over to him so I said “Who did you come here with” and he responded by saying I came alone, when he said that it hit me like that time somebody tricked me and said David Beckham was in Kingston (can I tell you I never wanted to be on the road so much until that day)

Some of the most successful people, don’t have friends, well let me rephrase that I don’t see them with much associates, unless they are in a meeting, visiting a site, at a social gathering deep in conversation, they are always ALONE. I could call 10 names of seemingly successful people around town and you go ahead and tell me who you always see them out with? Let me tell you who you’ll see them with if you see them out with anybody, you will see them with their spouses or you’ll see them floating around the room from group to group saying HI to some of their colleagues, or you will see them in a designated corner.

The top is a lonely place to be, it’s no fun when you worked really hard and now you can afford everything and all your friends can’t!
But it does make you wanna look over the edge and tilt your shades and scream down below, “Ahah that’s right motherfuckers you loose” ahahahahahaha, actually that’s what I plan to do, so just ignore that line.

My over all point here my precious babies is that, Success is a personal goal, it’s not a group effort and it’s not a club or sorority, and the people who work hard and achieve are gonna realize a lot of their “Homies”, “Niggaz” or “Duddettes” won’t be able to relate, and keeping some of them around will stifle the growth process.

When I googled images for lonely rich/successful people these are the pictures I saw:

The boxer that ate the guy's ear

George Clooney

Barrack Obama

The black guy who didn't wanna be black, so he invented a race!

hahahah, How did this get in there must have been a mistake! haha

xoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren, Dear God please make me lonely and rich.

Let me tell you a story,

I can’t understand my obsession with Buddhism, I don’t even know how I got introduced to it, I never dated a guy that was religious, except if you count the seventh day Adventist I dated for almost 2 years and the moron who kept an open bible beside his bed.
Even though a lot of the parables are fiction, the moral and the lesson they teach are Facts. I’m going to share one about the bird house builder;

“There was a bird house builder who dreamed of being a great carpenter, his dream was to build great mansions of-intricate and beautiful detail, he would admire great Carpenters and their work and was always amazed and in awe, but his fear of failure or being laughed at if he produced failed works kept him from ever attempting to any of the things he so desired. The man continued to build bird houses and build great mansions in his dreams.

One day a con man came into town, he was boasting and bragging about all the things he had, and what he wanted to do to the small town,he boasted about the big mansion he was going to build that would remind him of the city where he was from. He went to the man who built bird houses because he believed that asking him to build him a great mansion, that the simple bird house builder would stop and stutter and not build him a proper mansion, in the mean time he conned the people of the town.

The Builder initially refused to build this great mansion, but the Con man found a way for him to say yes. The builder spent day and night drawing the plans and then carefully building this great mansion. When the builder was done building he searched everywhere for the Con man to present him with the mansion,but he had fled the town. The builder was very upset because he had spent many sleepless nights building this mansion and now all he had, was an oversized mansion sitting in the front yard of his work shop.

But the town folks passed it and admired his work and praised him for it, they no longer saw a mere bird house builder, they saw a great Carpenter. Some traveling Priests were passing through the town and also praised his work, they took the builder with them and they paid him millions in coins to build churches all over in traveling towns. The mere builder was now a great Carpenter whose works were seen by many”

The moral of this story, everything happens in our life for a reason when something doesn’t work out the way we want it to, don’t allow it to kill your energy and try not to focusing on the negative, thanks to a lieing con man a simple builder became a Great Carpenter. Evaluate your situation it’s never half as bad as it seems.

Sometimes its had to see the silver lining behind the cloud, but if you just wait on it, it’ll shine so bright you’ll have to put shades on to see it.

xoxoxo Lauren O Lauren

From NUN to LaurenOLauren

If you went to High school with me you should have remembered me, studying for Catechism, or walking around with my rosary in my pocket and always reciting the hail Mary, I was going to be a nun at 15 yrs old and I had my mind set on it.
The thought of loosing my virginity and being in an unfulfilling relationship with a man, I saw my mom raise four kids alone and I couldn’t be bothered to try, I was ready to give up all my earthly belongings and become a nun.

Then the summer before I was suppose to go into the church, I met this pretty, much older boy, who brought me to lunch, told me I was Pretty brought me to his house and kissed me! (see why it’s important to tell your daughters that they’re pretty)
I was never kissed before, I was 15 years old, sure Father told us we were all beautiful but it wasn’t the same, not when a boy with beautiful green eyes is telling you he loves you.

No I never lost my virginity to him, and he never pressured me to have sex, I dare say my introduction into this whole relationship

was great, he treated me really, really good. He made me change my mind about becoming a nun, well not like I really had a choice after a series of unfortunate events. There’s two ways you can enter the convent as a virgin or a forgiven born again Virgin, to be forgiven you must confess of course, I didn’t confess.

I wonder what kind of nun I would have been? Can you imagine me living in a convent with lots of other holy women? My personality being stifled by  righteous behavior? hahahahaha

 

Well you guys are Lucky Cause I’m not a nun, Im your one and only Lauren O Lauren Check out my list of  Ten things I wanna do before I’m 25!

1

Cook Dog food and serve it to a guy and watch him eat it

2

I wanna get so Drunk, I’m admitted into the hospital for Alcohol poisoning, I DO!!

3 I wanna make an unreleased sex tape!!! I wanna see how hot I am from third party lol

4  I wanna go on a cruise, ships, water, sunblock and a really small bikini, I’d love it!!!

5 Get words tattooed somewhere almost invisible on my body, I wont tell you where and I wont tell you what it’s gonna say.

6  I wanna get implants, I want bigger breasts!!!!!!!

8

I wanna have sex with a really hot celebrity!!

9 I wanna muster up the courage and go skinny dipping in a beach, or topless in Miami.

10

I wanna drastically change my hair color and adopt a “PERSONA” for a whole Month!!!

xoxoxoxox Lauren O Lauren