Boys are my new Drugs, I want lots of them.

*La, LA La La* I met a new boy!!!!!

First let me say this is not a blog about how I’ve been wrong about Men and you just need to find the right one, I still hate men and they’re all the same, but you have to admit when you first meet a guy and he’s really into you because he hasn’t had sex with you yet is the best part.

I love New Boys, they’re like new shoes, as uncomfortable as they are you ignore all of that because they’re pretty, New and this design is fresh from the runway and you’re the first to have them!!! Until they start to give you really bad blisters and you realize you can’t stand in them for more than an hour, then you gradually don’t wear them anymore.

I’m going through that phase now, where I really, really wanna have fun with another person, I want us to be exclusive to each other but without the labels and the stupid “I love you” just know that we have each others back and we have an understanding, there are no real rules because it’s not a real relationship until we get to that bridge, so for now we’re sitting on a blanket on the other side having sandwiches and tea taking a break before we actually cross the bridge. (pretty way of saying it huh)
I am enjoying a man’s company but not dependent on it, so if he leaves it won’t even matter. Boys can be so much fun, but it’s almost like a baby playing with a plastic bag, although when I think of it what is it like when a baby plays with a plastic bag i used to let my baby nephew play with everything, he turned out ok and started reading at age 2, it all depends i suppose.

My advise to women is be smart with men, do not repeat all your steps, with each new dude it’s like starting over or you can continue paying the same role and hope you find the right character to play your love interest or you can change your own character just a little bit. By a certain point in your life you know what works for you, boys do not work for me trust me i’ve done everything so I just enjoy these first couple of months then I accept that something will go wrong and all my ex’s can blame me, it’s ok I woke up feeling like Jesus this morning, cast all burdens on me.

My name is Lauren and I have successfully substituted Drugs (not the illegal ones get your mind out the gutter) for Boys who call me Princess.

xoxoxoxox Lauren O Lauren

We are Satisfied, just look around you

I haven’t written a blog in a while, I’ve been a little distracted. But during my distraction I have learnt something very Important, i complain a lot about all kinds of stupid shit but I learn something every time I come home, or I talk to my cousin or my sister does something I didn’t expect her to do, or a friend of mine surprises me with a good deed.
“It is what it is, and it isn’t that bad” I can live with the decisions i’ve made I can grow from the mistakes i’ve made and I’m not chained to the people that make me unhappy, and if the situation is unfulfilling no written or unwritten contract can keep me in it. This world is a man made Manifesto, but it is God’s creation and quite frankly none of these fools running around balling and whatever can’t come close to the man who created Adam and Eve, not to get all religious on you, but you catch my drift.

I am satisfied, yea I complain but only because it’s apart of my personality, my life isn’t half bad, and neither is yours, look around you, there are so many other people who should be unhappy but we get fooled by the things we think they have and the life we think they’re living and the cars we see them driving. They are miserable because a lot of them are living in the shadows of who they really are, because they created a reputation and have to live with it or they have people who tell them who to be.

I’m satisfied my family is fucked up but they’re the greatest fuck ups I’ve ever met, if i’m ever in a situation I know I can call one of my sisters, or my mom or one of the other complaining members of my chaotic family, so all the other petty problems i’m having with the external, totally controllable factors in my life, is neither here nor there…….

….. “it is what it is, and it isn’t that bad”

xoxoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren

The boys that glitter aren’t gold!!!!!

(PS I wrote this on my iPad and using word fess on here is funny tons of mistakes are in here that I can’t correct)

I’ve been caught up with a ton of stuff you’ll see soon!!!
However my sears I can tell you that although I sleep in every day, drink way too much in private and is loosing sight in my left eye at a rapid pace, I am more awake than I have ever been in my whole life, as I walked to the ATM machine this morning a very nice silver two door car windows down and music blaring shot past me at such a speed that it tangled my fucking weave!!! Not to worry I’m wearing remi so it quickly untangled and got back to its luxurious self. The point is the person driving shirtless, tanned and handsome was not the owner of the car!!! The owner of the
car would never drive it at the speed and the tinted windows would never be down. I have a name for men who front with other people’s things, I findly call them “Jenny’s” coming from the French word “Jermain” spelt with a J or G respectively. However this blog is not about the Jenny’s of the world, it’s about us girls and how we allow ourselves to be well not taken serious.
I was in the country this past weekend at stage show of some sort, and u started talking to this man purely by accident and in the heat of the noment, some one I would not talk to on a regular day, he doesn’t look like David Beckham, he doesn’t even travel to let Alone be a foreigner, hes a taxi driver, but for the whole night he kept offering me drinks, asking me what I like, my hand was never empty, even volunteered to drive me back to all the way to Kingston if I wanted to go to the beach! The irony is a man like that would give me anything my heart desires as long as he could afford it, he would live to make me happy, he wouldn’t sleep soundly if he knew some one made me unhappy. But I would never date a man like that, he doesn’t fit into my plastic world, and my plastic friends wouldn’t be nice to him, the plastic places I go wouldn’t let him in, because he only wears T shirts. All women are guilty of something like this we shun the men who would really love us for these glittery men. According to a study done last year, entrepreneurs and seemingly rich men are less likely to give women money or gifts because they use their names to date you and think you should be privileged to date them because they’re rich and they jbow you’ll stick around because you’re hoping he will choose you and maybe marry you or some dumb fairy tale like that. When the men who don’t have much are said to have bigger hearts, why is it that I want to settle for a guy who only looks good on paper and take great side shots shoe looks good in all his pictures?

People always say you shouldn’t settle, but it really all depends on the circumstances. There is this specific guy in my life, let’s call him a fucking mistake!!! While talking to this fucking mistake he says to me he would be going to the country for “Sumfest weekend” ( a big music festival type thing we have yearly, the biggest reggae show on earth) I told him, don’t ask me if I’m going you’re going why don’t you take me with you. The Fucking mistake responds by saying “I’ll be working, I can’t take you with me”
Fair enough, however he went last year and brought his girlfriend, will he be busier this year than he was last year? certainly not, but I was not important to this man, he valued me just the same as he would have valued a heart shape leaf, a really cool find but if he lost it, it would still be just a fucking leaf.

Then there I was in a bar, when this guy I knew was fooling around or whispering sweet something’s to a girl I know, hanging out for the long weekend with some say his girlfriend, some one else said that the girl was not. I think it’s his girlfriend because he’s an asshole not a womanizer he wont take a girl out who is not his girlfriend unless he’s in a foreign country.

That’s when it hit me!! Soon I was gonna be 25 and I will have no excuse for making certain mistakes, I should have learnt from all my mistakes already, I’m a great girl, I’m honest, I listen, I spend hundreds of dollars on Agent Provocateur lingerie, why am I these things to happen? So no I’m not gonna be his side chick, I refuse to be cool anymore, I hope one day some of you girls wake up and realize you’re worth more than a few dollars, and for some pussy who’s too scared to tell his wife he doesn’t love her, to tell you in private how great you are, if he can’t bring you out and public and tell his family about you then why would you even bother, let go of that negativity, somebody is waiting to love you I promise.

Xoxoxoxox Lauren o Lauren, eyes wide open ladies stay awake. #TEAMNOSLEEP #pow

raise your glasses to another dead asshole

THE WOMANIZER vs THE ASSHOLE

I have found a topic that I have not touched yet and think it is absolutely important that I do so. Men come in all shapes and sizes but there are only two types of bad men, they are The womanizer” and “The Asshole”.

I have always been in relationships with the WOMANIZER, the asshole is too much for me and quite frankly women only date them because they are usually like a Donald Trump or somebody like that and they are hoping he makes them their wife. Lets separate them so you can see who is who.

Lets start with the asshole, I’ve met a couple of assholes but I’ve never been in a relationship with one, I met my first asshole when I was hmmmmmmmm I think 17 years old. He would insist that we couldn’t be in a relationship because his family is very important to him, and he has to marry a christian girl. The asshole will always use family or have some sort of excuse, he knows from the get go that he cannot date you or doesn’t want to, so for a no strings attached and no explanation fling he will tell up front under the false pretense that he’s an honest good guy.
Ladies any man who tells you up front from day one before you have sex or right after you have sex if there are any third-party issues that may one day prevent you guys from having a relationship, they do this so when they break it off they can say “Hey I told her from Day 1 that etc, etc”

Now what would the WOMANIZER do? The womanizer puts a woman’s feelings first in these instances he will only hurt you if he knows you won’t be able to reach him after he has had his way with you. You won’t know what hit until one day you just cannot reach him by phone, yesterday he was sending you flowers and taking you to dinner and it’s literally like he doesn’t exist today.

The asshole doesn’t really take women out unless she’s his public girlfriend, meanwhile the Womanizer takes all his girls out, he’s a play boy who plays the game well, he’ll take you to the movies, restaurants, the opera as long as your little heart desires it and he wants to fuck you then put your black dress on cause he’s taking you.

Is there a physical difference between the two men? of course, because of the nature of how the Womanizer and the Asshole works it’s almost a necessity that a Womanizer be much better looking than the Asshole!!!
You see the Womanizer takes all his women out, and he brings them all home, he doesn’t see women in categories, he sees all women as one, “playthings”, so in that respect it works out better for him if he’s better looking. For example John Myer is said to be a womanizer he brings them all out and they all think he cares more than the next, because he’s so good-looking the women dating him at the time won’t think to themselves “hey wasn’t he in this same restaurant last week Tuesday with Jennifer”?
The asshole is not bad-looking but he definitely doesn’t have the looks that would put you to sleep in eternal bliss so he won’t get away with bringing all his women to the same restaurant, he’s very careful, he visits his women at home, or sometimes depending on the type of asshole women may come to him but very rarely. He doesn’t wine and dine his women, he’s an asshole he doesn’t know how.

I hope I’ve cleared up some mix ups today, good day ladies. and remember its ok to fall for a womanizer but it is not ok to fall for an asshole, you will never forgive yourself.

xoxoxoxoxox Lauren”O”Lauren

I like STUFF

I admit I’m addicted to stuff, all kinds of stuff but mostly material stuff, I love stuff more than boys cause if you take care of stuff you can have them forever.
This Summer though and I’m not a flowers girl, but this is the season for all kinds of floral arrangements, I just grabbed a pair of floral sling-backs and i have an array of tight floral inspired tight dresses. So Gonna show you guys my top picks and ways to go floral and not over do it this season!!

I ACTUALLY HAVE THESE PUMPS AND I LOVE THEM, THEY ARE SOOOOO HIGH THOU

Floral shoes are my guilty pleasure,I know they might be a big commitment once the season is over but the good thing about shoes is once you get them in the right silhouette you can wear them for years. The higher the heel the harder it is for the silhouette to become dated.

Floral dress I *Heart* these they can do no wrong at all

Not ready to make a big commitment then go for a floral bikini as long as there’s a beach, you can wear a Bikini with flowers on it!!!

I will definitely keep you all informed with my fashion obsessions as I go along!!!! But don’t be afraid to go floral just don’t do everything floral, you have to do floral pieces if you over do it you’ll look like an unsigned country artist!!!

xoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren

I did a video about Weave Tips I live by for the curious!!

For those girls who are always asking about my weave and styling tips I made a little video for you. I’ll be doing another video with the top ten types of weaves that I absolutely love and the ones you should stay away from you.

xoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren

Are you my baby’s Daddy??

I’ve got my mom’s name tattooed under my left arm, I got it this year on a shopping trip to Miami with friends. I’ve been meaning to have my mom’s name tattooed for a while now, not just because she’s the only parent I know, or because she’s my rock but because sometimes she’s really brave a couple of years ago she was being robbed at knife point and she ended up getting into a fight with her attacker because she refused to be robbed even though he was armed, she could have died if she was stabbed just a bit closer to her lung. She survived.

I’m very careful when I date men, and I find my self immediately attracted to men who would make great fathers, I don’t usually date the cute guys who make me lough and look good in their clothes and whenever I do date them I end up regretting it! Thus why I date men over 40, who have no children or a multitude of baby mothers scattered over the region, my biggest fear is being a single parent, even though I don’t plan to have kids, I still find myself way more attracted to men who I think would make great fathers. That includes having two parents who are still together, those men usually have less surface issues! A good education makes them easier to talk to, someone who reads!!! I can’t stress how important reading is, even if he only reads the daily news paper, he takes a vacation every now and again to a country outside his own, a man with knowledge of the world around him is more accepting of people and changes, all those things combined with a couple of years on him, makes him a perfect candidate to father my babies!!

I don’t think I have to include that he must have a job!!! I like men who work a lot!! go to work early come home late, is such a turn on for me, Men should work hard. I don’t date Hustlers, I like men who have regular jobs, either that or your parents are oil tycoons and I can live with that. You’re driving an expensive car, living in an expensive apartment, you don’t have a degree, you are not a rapper, or an artist manager, your daddies last name isn’t Trump! So where’d ya get all that shit? some women don’t mind these things, but the man mentioned above is not fathering any child of mine.

If you think a man is not a reflection of his friends you’ll learn soon enough, it’s a nasty lesson but once you learn it, you never forget it. “It’s lonely at the Top” they always say, so the more successful a man gets the less friends he has, I’m looking for that nigga who has no fucking friends, so I can wrap my arms around him and call him “MINE”!!!!! hahahahahahaha

Women need to stop chasing these little boys who just wanna “Pop Bottles” in the club,I’m childish and immature and require a loud voice from time to time so why am I gonna date a guy who wants to do the same things I’m doing? I’m into partying right now, but I don’t want a guy to party with, none a dat!!!

The only question left is, is you or is you aint my baby daddy?

xoxoxox Lauren O Lauren

WHO BROKE BARBIE’S KEN DOLL??

I was at the club the other day talking to my Gay male friend, and he said to me “Lauren, I’m tired of Men I’m just so annoyed I’m ready to do something else. I met this Butch girl and I think I wanna fuck her” I almost died of laughter, but i was like yo! If Men are getting annoyed of men then please tell me what we women are suppose to do after they have broken us over and over again.

Dear women, you must be able to admit when your “Doll House” is no good, and it’s because you bought a broken KEN Doll.

Lets start with some of the mistakes women make, You meet a guy you like and he says to you: “Let me be honest with you I dnt want there to be any lies between us, I am sleeping with other people”

As women we think at least he’s being honest with me, and we aren’t officially a couple yet or we’ve only been dating for a couple months. WRONG!!! WRONG< WRONG!!!!

If a man really likes you, he will not tell you the TRUTH because he knows it will hurt you, men are naturally born "Protectors" so their natural instinct should be to protect you, not to hurt your feelings, a man who tells you he has other women, is saying "Hey i like you, and i'm sure we'll get along but it's neither here nor there to me if you don't stay, there's more of you"
If a man loves you he will lie about the things that he knows will hurt you, if he doesn't think you'll find out.

Some of you women know ahead of time that the man you’re picking up is public property!! You know he’s a dog, then you get with him, get your hopes up and then stay mad at the world when you hear about another girl he’s sleeping with, Bitch wake the fuck up everybody is fucking this man, you wanna be mad at somebody, run and tell him!
Your Ken doll is broken, bring it back ad buy a RAMBO action figure instead those last longer!

Another mistake women make, is trying to make a man come into his own, as women we are natural born nurturers, we care for a living, sometimes this blinds us to the obvious. You are not this man’s mother you cannot be raising him and disciplining him when he’s done something wrong. You sticking by his side and being supportive no matter how many girls he’s slept with in hopes that he will marry you and you will be a cute “Editorial couple” who every will envy and love, lawd jesus is it really worth it? “You ciah find a next man”?

I’ve said before women need to stop acting decent and we need to kick up rumpus and behave disorderly and I bet you these men will pull up their socks, Go to his office on his busiest day and embarrass the hell outta him by cussing on the top of your voice when he’s fucked up royally or mad you look stupid or embarrass you and I bet they will calm down.
he might leave you for your tyrant behavior, but if all the women in his life embarrass him like that eventually he will calm down. Women need to unite and work together, notice how men work together and not malice each other over women.

I’m just saying don’t blame me or any other woman for your man straying, your man is and will always be PUBLIC PROPERTY!!

xoxoxoxoxo To be honest I always thought Ken was Gay.

Men bore me, Boys annoy me but Clothes keep me coming (lol)

Listen I got to the point where I said to myself I am the one working, and I work hard so I am not going to take all my hard earned money and give it to bill collectors every month, if you don’t mind I’ll take some of my own money and make myself happy.

I went shopping 2 days in a row and I’m proud of myself, never mind they’re probably gonna disconnect my phone at least I’ll look chic while not being able to make calls. ( I’m joking really it’s not that bad, but we are going through a Recession you know)
I went to Coochi- Anna’s on Thursday, It’s that little store in the food court upstairs New Kingston shopping center (Jamaica).
What I like about her store is she makes everything in that store, nothing is imported they are all man made, I think one of the most important things we can do right now as a nation is build the “Brand Jamaica”. So I bought two hot dresses, one for the slutty side of me and the other represented my inner good girl, it covers everything!

But I must tell you about my experience at Grandeur in 7th Avenue plaza, Now I’ve been in the store before and I loved it , but because I do a lot of my shopping overseas because I personally find it cheaper, and in my line of work I need a lot of clothes.
Grandeur had a sale yesterday, usually in Jamaica when we say sale, we mean taking off $100 off the original price, so if it was JA$5000 it becomes JA$4900 and to me that just wasn’t a sale.

yesterday I was able to get two dresses and two MAC lip glosses for what should have been JA$11500 but because of their awesome sale, I only paid JA$3000, talk about a fucking steal right!!!
I got there late too, I got there at like 5am, and the crowd in there was thick and I loved the costumer service I got foam CAVIN!!!! “honey I love my dress”, they even made me a member so now when I shop I can earn points and get discounts on purchases over certain amounts.

One thing is certain men will continue to annoy me but the shoes, purses and dresses I buy today will make me happy tomorrow and everyday after that. I’m a shoppoholic I admit it.

You guys need to check out my top picks this week, GRANDEUR and COOCHI-ANNA’s and then thank me later. Remember people PACHA is tonight at Fiction Lounge hosted by myself, Loni and Tracy, then we go back to Tuesdays July 12.

xoxoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren Gimme more clothes and I smile more

ps ooh oooooh I almost forgot to tell you about the accessory girl, right beside GRANDEUR there’s a hair dressing salon, and in it theres a section that sells jewelry big, bold chunky fabulous finds at wow-zer prices!! I couldn’t believe my friend got a big chunky necklace for JA$2000 and I got these darling sea shell long gold earrings for only JA$1400, when you live in Kingston for a while you start to believe that everything has to be expensive. kisses.

#TEAMBEYOURSELF

In a world where being yourself is often affected by the people we surround ourselves, the books we read, the programs we’re addicted to or the magazines we skim through daily. It seems being “ourselves” is not really an option, so then why should we be ourselves? what are the benefits?

Being ourself is important, our sanity is at risk. Everybody struggles with individuality issues, I wish I was someone else everyday, but my animated wishes has never stopped me from being Lauren O Lauren on any given day. You know who I am and it’s not because I’m on TV or have a blog it’s because I am myself whenever you see me. I’ve been taking a lot of ‘ME” time lately getting to rediscover myself, I had forgotten so many things about myself, like how much I love laughing so much to the point where I make everyone around me laugh. The city can be a cold place and the people in it can be empty souls, but I’m not a city girl I’m from the country, and in the country there are no social scenes, there are no hot spots, just people and places, and the person always comes with the personality and not one or the other.

Don’t allow your greed for an empty world to strip you of who you are and your morals, stay true to the things that are uniquely you. Too many people are busy competing with the persons they think are their friends, getting caught up in the constant need to be apart of the “Hype”, which becomes an addiction after a while, you keep trying to get high from it, you don’t even realize that you’re selling out the people around you, who are supposed to matter to you.

Nothing matters to you anymore, and then you matter to no one anymore, it’s a circle. Just remember the way you deal with people is the way they will deal with you, Human beings possess soul, which means we have conscience, therefore we are well aware of when we’ve done something “FUCKED UP”, Don’t worry it will come right back around, life isn’t like a man if you fuck it, it will fuck you back, promise.

xoxoxoxo Lauren O Lauren I aint a prophet I just preach a lot.