Ok so I was watching this video today from one of my favorite #youtubbers lol and she was talking about being the ugly friend most of her life and how she kind of grew into her own and got over her insecurities and stuff like that. It inspired me to write about my own, I guess awkward experience also. lol
When I was growing up and don’t take this the wrong way, but no one told me I was pretty, they would always tell my sisters but no one told me. I knew I didn’t fit the Jamaican definition of pretty, I had dark skin and I didn’t have what they call “pretty hair” lol. Even in prep school I was always different from everyone else my parents didn’t own businesses and they weren’t married like everyone else’s, and as for parents I only had one. I never quite fit in anywhere for as long as I can remember, I was different from my sisters and I was different from my friends. But unlike a lot of people who are different, I never thought there was something wrong with me, I never tried to fit in. I always felt that I was going to eventually find that place where I “Belonged”, I feel like I’ve been on a mystical quest searching for the Land of Lauren.
No one could make me feel unsure of myself, I was loud and in total control of myself, I was always an influencer and I never allowed anyone to influence me. So back when I started parting when all the people I hung out with took a cigarette to try it and got addicted, I to this day still have never tried weed, cigarettes or any other kind of social drugs.
I don’t know how many of you watched a video I did about the television industry on my YouTube channel, where I spoke about even though I’ve worked in media for over ten years, I was never considered media. I didn’t mind because I had my own way of doing things, while they followed treatment & protocol I always freestyled lol. I could go on and on, but the simple way to put it is that I am an alien.
There are people who feel uncomfortable in their bodies, like they want to be someone else, some people are unsure of who they are. I have always known who I was, I felt uncomfortable being a part of society hahahahah, I knew that society had different ideas of who I should be and quite honestly I’m not interested in that. I relished in being different, I liked it I have never felt lonely or bored I can’t say I know what those two emotions feel like. Yes I have been alone but I like being alone, as a matter of fact I prefer being alone, as for being bored *laughs* I always have so many things that I need to be doing even when I was a child. I was always organizing some event, a community club etc I was always planning. I was always locked away in my room literally scheming. When I was a toddler I was always wondering out the house, thank God I grew up in a nice crime free neighborhood where everyone knew my mother and I was always safely returned. I don’t know where I’m going with this blog but really just felt like I wanted to share that with you guys.
Not fitting in and being like everyone else or being “Liked” by everyone, is not a bad thing as long as you know who are you. You don’t need people or their opinions to define you, I learnt that at a very early age.
Have a great week everyone, and for those of you who are following my Change your life series on YouTube, Part 2 will be up this Wednesday.